I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
