the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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