i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
