don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
