dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
