U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
