i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize