WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
