Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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