Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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