So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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