I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
