Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
