Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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