If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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