I could make wine with my vomit
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
NoShamevember. You game?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
