How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
