DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
