we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
