I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
