The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
