Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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