You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
