I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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