I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize