I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize