So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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