i already hear my dad disowning me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
