I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
