Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
