I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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