just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
