It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just cropdusted the office
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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