There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
