I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize