White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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