called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
