so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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