your parents love me but you hate me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
