drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
