If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
