my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize