grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
