So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
