South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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