I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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