Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
