Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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