YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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