We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
