Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
