At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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