i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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