He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
