Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
