I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
