I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
