Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
