my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
