i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
