i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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