I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize