i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
