I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
being pregnant is like rehab
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
