Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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