If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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