You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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