you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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