He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
