A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Holy shit dude........stairs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
