somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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