I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
