So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
