So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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