so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
