We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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