i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
