I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
