I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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