I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it hurts more in the daytime
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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