While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
