The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
