hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize