My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
