I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
