GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
