I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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