I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
