I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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