is your mom at the bar?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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