Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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