the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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