Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
